Doubt

Doubt is a tricky thing.  In some instances, it can be good.  It can force you to look at a situation, figure out if you’re looking at the truth of the manner.  It causes you to question, to think, to wonder.  In my opinion (and this is my blog, so obviously I’m going to tell you my opinion), you should doubt textbooks; you should doubt politics; you should doubt the future.  In my opinion, have doubt about everything except one thing- yourself. 

If you figure out what you are and what you want, do not doubt it.

A friend and I like to say that we never changed our majors, as if that’s a good thing.  And maybe it is; I certainly loved getting an anthropology degree.  It helped me become who I am.  At the same time, though, college was a process of constantly changing my mind.  First, I wanted to be an historian, then an archaeologist, then a professor, then a museum worker, then back to a professor, and then I realized that I was doing something I had always told myself not to do.  I was trying to avoid what I loved because I was afraid.  I was afraid I would not be able to find a job; I was afraid my friends and family would not support me; I was afraid that I myself was simply not good enough.  I was going the easy route.  Anthropology taught me to look at the world objectively, and finally, senior year of college, I looked at myself objectively.  When I did, I was not happy with myself.

I love writing, and I mean LOVE it.  I have been writing for fun since I was six.  It is the only thing that always makes sense (even when my writing might not actually make sense).  There is not a day that goes by that I do not look at something in the world and wonder, “How would I write about that?”  I have wanted to be a writer for as long as I have been writing.

I gave up on that because people, society told me it was useless; I needed a real job.  So, I treated writing as a hobby, until anthropology forced me to think about what I wanted.  And then I realized that in order for others to take my writing seriously, I have to take it seriously myself.

I cannot doubt that I want to be a writer.  I cannot and will not doubt that.  The moment I do is the moment that it becomes okay for other people to do the same.  I am not saying that it will be easy, and I am not saying I will get my dream job right away, but I am saying that I do not doubt that I will get to where I want to be eventually.  For the first time in years, I feel completely confident in what I want to do.  And that is the most wonderful feeling in the world.