Don't Mess with My Beach

I should explain something about my college (which is the University of Notre Dame, for any who want to know): it is in the Midwest.  Now, I am sure there are many wonderful and marvelous things about the Midwest that I missed out on.  For one thing, I have never participated in a ‘bring your tractor to school’ day.  (I am not making this up; someone I know from college actually participated in this.)  I am also sure there is more to the Midwest than endless fields of corn.  For example, I have heard rumors of cows.  And I am sure that Chicago is a wonderful city to live in.  Wonderful if you don’t mind the lack of a decent slice of pizza, which might not be important to some people (perish the thought).

But while there are all these possibly wonderful reasons for living in the Midwest, there is one thing that I will never like.  You see, Midwesterners have this very odd concept of what constitutes a beach.

Before I go any further, let me clarify something- I am from the East Coast.  Except for those four years at Notre Dame, I have not lived any further than a half hour drive from the ocean.  I really cannot comprehend moving permanently away from the coast.

A week before graduation, my friends and myself decided to go to the ‘beach,’ and by beach, we meant Lake Michigan.  When we arrived, I quickly realized that it was most decidedly not a beach.  Now that picture above might make it look like a beach, but a picture can only tell you so much.  Allow me to elaborate so you, my dear reader, will gather a clearer picture.

1. There is no salt.  It smells wrong.

2. The waves are tiny and barely make a noise.  It sounds wrong.

3. The sand is fine and dry and obviously not natural.  It feels wrong.

4. And lastly, once more, there is no salt.  It tastes wrong.

These are my beaches: Long Island beaches and Virginia beaches.  They have salt and seaweed and crabs and rocks and dolphins.  They are real beaches.

Okay, so it turns out I don't actually take pictures of my beaches, because, well, they're where I live/have lived.  So here, have a South Carolina beach in place of Virginia.

And an Irish beach in place of Long Island.  These are real beaches as well.

Last night, I went to a club with some friends from high school.  We quickly got bored.  (Hey, I have never pretended to be cool.)  So, what did we do?  We walked a block, and we were at the beach.  It was kind of foggy and smelled strongly of salt, and you could not hear the person next to you talk because of the waves.  It was fantastic. 

That is the ocean, and this is the East Coast, and don’t you Midwesterners dare compare your lake to my beach.

(PS- Happy Towel Day to any celebrating!)